Here we go

In about 12 hours I'm jetting away from my beloved Pacific Northwest for two years. Leaving mountains and cool sea air for sun and sand and stifling humidity. Leaving to start something that I can only imagine will be a giant adventure. Leaving to push and challenge myself, to learn and love and grow. I am so excited. And so ready!

I've created a new blog on which I'll record day-to-day happenings, info about Micronesia, etc. You can link to it here. I'll still (hopefully) post on this blog when I feel like reflecting on something that isn't necessarily related to Micronesia. Feel free to check both!

Thanks for reading, and most of all, thanks for all of the love and support as I take this next step. It means the WORLD to me!

Love,

M

Leaving something you love

Today I had my first real taste of having to leave something I love because of Micronesia.

Tonight was my last Thursday night modern class; I class I've faithfully taken nearly every Thursday since last August. Over the course of the last 10 months I've gotten to know and dance with some of the most amazingly wonderful people. People who are infinitely encouraging, joyful, hilarious and supportive beyond measure. With the help of their awesome energy and an incredible teacher, I have grown as a dancer in ways I couldn't have imagined. As someone who's always loved dance, but didn't dive into it until late in life, it has been amazing to find a studio, a class and a teacher that together created the kind of environment in which I wanted to come back week after week to grow and learn and move - without ever feeling judged or inadequate. Thursdays have been the highlight of my week for most of the past year. I'm going to miss this incredible group of people terribly!

Despite the sadness of leaving my dance family, I still feel so good about Micronesia. It's that feeling in the face of tough things like leaving something I love that lets me know I'm making the right choice in embarking on this journey.

I'm a free woman!

I am officially unemployed. Today was my last day of work at the organization where I have spent the last nearly 16 months of my 9-5, Mon-Fri life. Which, by the way, is the longest I've been employed anywhere. So, it felt rather odd to suddenly wrap up 16 months of work and relationships and say goodbye to the people I've shared that with, most of who I may very well never see again.

Man, oh man - at the same time, it's starting to feel good. I can feel the juices flowing again - I'm blogging already (which you all know well is rare), I'm free to accomplish the things that I need to accomplish, I can walk the lake when I want. It's going to be glorious for the three weeks that I have to savor it.

But who am I kidding, really? After three weeks I head the NYC to visit friends and then Boston for two weeks of JVC training, and then finally Micronesia on August 1st. I may only have three weeks of "days off", but I've got two years full of untold adventure and new experience waiting for me. Not bad, right?

I'm off to enjoy my first evening of unemployment - a glass of white wine and So You Think You Can Dance with my roomie.

Words of wisdom

Something I stumbled upon on a Peace Corps Volunteer's blog:

It might be time for you to go. It might be time to change, to shine out.

I want to repeat one word for you:
Leave.

Roll the word around on your tongue for a bit. It is a beautiful word, isn't it? So strong and forceful, the way you have always wanted to be. And you will not be alone. You have never been alone. Don't worry. Everything will still be here when you get back. It is you who will have changed.

- Donald Miller

The way you have always wanted to be. I love that line. A significant part of why I'm doing JVC is because it feels like a means of becoming the way I have always wanted to be.

A major update - for real

Barring any unforeseen tragedies of the type that lead to the loss of my last update post, this post will give some insight as to the major changes that are creeping up on me in these next few months.

And by major, I do mean MAJOR.

Because, my dear friends, in August I am moving to Micronesia for two years. Micronesia! Can you believe it?

A little background:

It all started back at the end of December 2009 with a lovely roommate looking to help me channel that itch to serve abroad that had been pestering me since high school. Turns out my time in France (although absolutely wonderful) didn't quite cut it. I was looking to go abroad again, this time for a service experience. Something deep and long term, and something that would yank me out of my comfort zone.

Boy did I find it.

At the suggestion of the roommate mentioned above, and with the guidance of another dear friend, I began my application to the Jesuit Volunteer Corps 15 days before it was due. I managed to pull together 4 letters of recommendation, write a few essays and what felt like a million short answer questions, visit the doctor and order my transcripts - all with a day to spare. A week after turning in my application I found myself up for a 7:00 am phone interview with a recruiter in Washington DC. In mid March, I made my way down to Santa Clara University to attend a discernment weekend with 15 other candidates for the program and a mere two weeks later I received the phone call that has ultimately determined the next two years of my life.

Which brings me back to present day, in which I am leaving for Micronesia in three months.

So what exactly will I be doing, you ask? I'll be teaching high school (not sure which subject) at Saramen Chuuk Academy. Schooling is conducted in English in Micronesia, so whatever I do teach will be more than simply English language skills. I will be living with four other volunteers, three of whom have been serving for a year, and the fourth of whom will be new like me. I'll be serving in the state of Chuuk (Micronesia, or the Federated States of Micronesia, is made up of 4 states), on the island of Weno. FSM is in the Western Pacific, approximately east of the Philippines, southeast of Japan and north of Australia.

Here's a bit more about the organization I'll be serving with:

The Jesuit Volunteer Corps is a Catholic nonprofit organization that operates both domestic and international volunteer programs. To pull from its missions statement:

The Jesuit Volunteer Corps offers women and men an opportunity to work full-time for justice and peace. Jesuit Volunteers are called to the mission of serving the poor directly, working for structural change in the United States, and accompanying people in developing countries. The challenge to Jesuit Volunteers is to integrate Christian faith by working and living among the poor and marginalized, by living simply and in community with other Jesuit Volunteers, and by examining the causes of social injustice.

Volunteers live together and are asked to commit to the four JVC values of social justice, simple living, spirituality and community. Over 300 volunteers are currently serving throughout the country and around the world.

Needless to say I'm experiencing a whirlwind of emotions at the thought of this new phase in my life. I'm excited to get out and experience something new, I'm sad about leaving friends and family and the things I love about my life here in Seattle, I'm curious about that which awaits me on the other side of the Pacific, I'm nervous about whether I'm up for this commitment and hopeful that half the battle is simply committing and that the rest will fall into place once I'm there. I've known for about a month that I'm going, but things are still settling in and I'm not quite sure that I've truly been struck with the reality of it all. It's surreal that three months from now I'll be living on a tiny tropical island in the Pacific.

This post has been a bit frenetic, but I hope to post more in the months leading up to my departure with details about why I'm going, what I'll be doing and general background about Micronesia.

I invite all of you to visit my JVC fundraising page, here, to learn more about the program, and about ways you can support my journey.

Thanks for reading! Any thoughts or prayers you might want to send my way as I prepare for this journey would be greatly appreciated. I'll keep you in mine as well. :)

Time for an update...almost

I might cry. I just spent about an hour crafting the perfect post with which to inform you all, dear readers, of the next phase of my life. It was reflective, it was elegant, it was two or three sentences from being published.

I just accidentally erased that post.

Under construction...

...playing around to make my blog more fantastic...

Things I love...

(...or why I had a fantastic weekend):

- urban green space

- wine tasting

- Trophy cupcakes

- visits from Momma

- indian food

- warm, sunny days

- lounging on the front porch while the neighborhood goes by

- engaging in the arts community (piano concert @ Benaroya!)

- feel good movies where the guy gets the girl (in a not completely ridiculous and predictable format)

- (followed by) artsy, depressing movies that inspire hours of analysis with the roomie

- dark chocolate covered edamame

Spring has sprung in Seattle, my friends. And it is good.

The end of the Humanities?

As if being an English Lit/French double major didn't have enough of a you'll-never-get-a-job-with-that-degree stigma, it seems the current economic state has made it even worse. According to this article in the NY Times, the humanities are suffering a slow and painful death in the face of economic doom. It seems that education for the sake of education is becoming less and less a viable option in an economy that requires specific and technical job skills in order to avoid the unemployment lines.

I LOVED my humanities education, and don't regret for a second studying what I did - but I can't help but wonder if I would have chosen a different path had I started college this year, in the midst of this massive recession.

Sometimes. Always. Never. (With thanks to Britta)

I sometimes...

- wonder if I'll actually achieve the things I've set out to achieve in my life.
- wonder what life would have been like if I had pursued dance from an early age.
- think about getting my MA in English

I always...

- am overwhelmed by the beauty of where I live. always. without fail.
- have about three life plans rotating in mind, each of which sounds perfectly wonderful, and perfectly plausible on some level.
- think about traveling - where, when and how.

I never...
- say no to chocolate. it's a serious addiction.
- manage to keep my room organized for more than a few days at a time.
- keep in touch with as many people as frequently as I would like to.

I like this poem

somewhere i have never travelled, gladly beyond by E. E. Cummings

somewhere i have never travelled, gladly beyond
any experience,your eyes have their silence:
in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,
or which i cannot touch because they are too near

your slightest look will easily unclose me
though i have closed myself as fingers,
you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens
(touching skilfully,mysteriously)her first rose

or if your wish be to close me, i and
my life will shut very beautifully ,suddenly,
as when the heart of this flower imagines
the snow carefully everywhere descending;
nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals
the power of your intense fragility:whose texture
compels me with the color of its countries,
rendering death and forever with each breathing

(i do not know what it is about you that closes
and opens;only something in me understands
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)
nobody,not even the rain,has such small hands

Warm and Fuzzy's on the Bus

I went to a potluck the other night for the organization I interned at this fall, which involved a bus ride through downtown into South Seattle. I don't make it any farther south than Seneca very often, so it was nice to get out into some new neighborhoods. I was especially drawn to the vibrancy and life that seemed to abound in the International and Central Districts. Lots of cultural stimulation - art galleries, street art, fantastic little hole-in-the-wall restaurants everywhere, museums. It's on my list of places to explore.

But back to the bus ride. I was seated in the back, in the awkward row of seats that face each other, so you either end up staring uncomfortably at the people across from you, or end up twisting oddly in your seat to make it so that you're facing forward. I was doing the latter. A stop after I got on an older women got on and sat straight across from me and stayed on until we were in the heart of downtown. I noticed her pull out a pad of paper about halfway through the ride, but didn't think anything of it. I figured she was jotting down a to-do list, or absentmindedly doodling or something. I would have hardly noticed when she got off, save for the fact that as she left she handed me this:



I was caught completely off-guard, and she was gone before I could even register what had happened. My face reddened, and I was simultaneously touched, flattered, and embarassed. I've always thought of my profile as being a little weird. Not ugly, per se, but not attractive. The fact that a stranger had such a different impression of me was humbling. It's amazing how much impact such a simple gesture can have!

Thanks, kind woman on the bus. You made my night. Next time I find myself with pen and paper in hand, in the company of strangers, I'm going to make and effort to pay-it-forward. :)

Coffee Shop Cool

I'm at Herkimer Coffee, a coffee shop about 10 minutes from my house, working on cover letters and resume stuff. I just wanted to note that every person I can see who is on a computer is either on a Mac or a Sony Vaio (me included). It feels funny (but somehow, oh-so-cool) to be part of this artsy, organic-coffee-drinking, fancy-computer-using crowd, our keystrokes drowned out by the indie music filtering through the shop at perfect volume. Then again, this is Seattle. What did I expect?

Also of note - I'm MUCH more productive here (despite breaks for blog posting) than chez moi.

Oh, and one more thing. It's sunny here (ok, partly cloudy - it counts), and WARM! I can feel spring coming.

Turns out I'm an Idealist

In an attempt to feel like I'm being productive in my job search, while actually just putting off writing yet another cover letter/pouring over craigslist for the 700th time today, I've been taking some career personality tests. The Keirsey Temperament Sorter is a well known one, so I thought I'd give it a go, and see what it had to say about me. Apparently I fit into the "Idealist" category and can be described as follows:

All Idealists (NFs) share the following core characteristics:

Idealists are enthusiastic, they trust their intuition, yearn for romance, seek their true self, prize meaningful relationships, and dream of attaining wisdom.
Idealists pride themselves on being loving, kindhearted, and authentic.
Idealists tend to be giving, trusting, spiritual, and they are focused on personal journeys and human potentials.
Idealists make intense mates, nurturing parents, and inspirational leaders.
Idealists, as a temperament, are passionately concerned with personal growth and development. Idealists strive to discover who they are and how they can become their best possible self -- always this quest for self-knowledge and self-improvement drives their imagination. And they want to help others make the journey. Idealists are naturally drawn to working with people, and whether in education or counseling, in social services or personnel work, in journalism or the ministry, they are gifted at helping others find their way in life, often inspiring them to grow as individuals and to fulfill their potentials.
Idealists are sure that friendly cooperation is the best way for people to achieve their goals. Conflict and confrontation upset them because they seem to put up angry barriers between people. Idealists dream of creating harmonious, even caring personal relations, and they have a unique talent for helping people get along with each other and work together for the good of all. Such interpersonal harmony might be a romantic ideal, but then Idealists are incurable romantics who prefer to focus on what might be, rather than what is. The real, practical world is only a starting place for Idealists; they believe that life is filled with possibilities waiting to be realized, rich with meanings calling out to be understood. This idea of a mystical or spiritual dimension to life, the "not visible" or the "not yet" that can only be known through intuition or by a leap of faith, is far more important to Idealists than the world of material things.

Highly ethical in their actions, Idealists hold themselves to a strict standard of personal integrity. They must be true to themselves and to others, and they can be quite hard on themselves when they are dishonest, or when they are false or insincere. More often, however, Idealists are the very soul of kindness. Particularly in their personal relationships, Idealists are without question filled with love and good will. They believe in giving of themselves to help others; they cherish a few warm, sensitive friendships; they strive for a special rapport with their children; and in marriage they wish to find a "soulmate," someone with whom they can bond emotionally and spiritually, sharing their deepest feelings and their complex inner worlds.

Idealists are relatively rare, making up no more than 15 to 20 percent of the population. But their ability to inspire people with their enthusiasm and their idealism has given them influence far beyond their numbers.

Princess Diana, Joan Baez, Albert Schweitzer, Bill Moyers, Eleanor Roosevelt, Mohandas Gandhi, Mikhael Gorbachev, and Oprah Winfrey are examples of Idealists.

I'd say it's surprisingly accurate. Another test, the Holland something-or-other, determined that I am an SAI, or Social-Artistic-Investigative type. Apparently this means I'd make a perfect rabbi or dental hygentist.

Little Rays of Sunshine...

Despite the dark clouds of looming financial ruin and the never-ending job search, I find that 2009 has brought with it a fair amount of sunny spots. For starters, my two roommates and I began the year by moving into a new house. It's a fabulous little number in bright yellow and orange. I'll try and post a picture in a bit, but for now I can't figure out how to make it not broadcast my address when I past the google map image into this post. So for now, just imagine it.

We warmed the house by hosting a rather colorful (literally) dance party:


I ended my four month internship with what turned out to be the best of the four resource packets I've put together. Not only that, but I met the former US Ambassador to the DR Congo, and reignited my interest in Africa (esp. the Congo and Rwanda).

And amidst the lows and feelings of despair that come from the incessant job search, and constantly teetering on the edge of being absolutely broke, I find the most encouraging people pop into my life. My parents, my aunts, my friends. The wonderful little Ethiopian man who drew my blood at my doctors appt. yesterday. Everyone is so reassuring that things will work out, that things will get better. That I am ok where I am. Lots of little rays of sunshine.

AND, I just applied for what sounds like the most WONDERFUL job. I'm not going to elaborate, because nothing's happened other than a swift reply on my part to the craigslist posting. But even the possibility of working at this place is amazing. Tune in later for developments.

Ah yes, I've been slacking on my blog posting, yet again. Perhaps it's due to a general lack of interesting events in my life over the past month, but it's probably more likely I've been weathering a funk of the quarter-life crisis kind.

Ok, so crisis is a bit of an overstatement...maybe quarter-life wrestling match is more accurate. I wrestle with whether or not I should try and apply grad schools for next year; which jobs to apply to that will best leave my future plans open, while contributing to them at the same time; and then with myself for getting so caught up in the theoretical and failing to put any of it into practice. I think my friend Rebecca put it best when she said (or rather typed, on gmail chat), "if you're too worried about aligning the present with some unknown future, you risk losing appreciation for the here and now, i think". Fantastic insight. While that may seem obvious, it really helps to hear (or rather read) it. I know that it's important to keep future goals in mind, to have goals to work towards period. But, there's a fine line between living for some vague point in the future and living for what's here and now while keeping the future in mind. One involves actually living, while the other throws you into a dizzying circular rut.

It's kind of like when you're outside at night and you look up at the stars, and try and spin around while focusing on one point of light. It's fun, and can be kind of exhilarating holding onto that single star, but it always better when you fall to the ground. On your back you have the entire night sky stretched before you and you can take in as many stars as you'd like, from constellations to galaxies - including that single star. You're simultaneously more grounded and have a greater perspective, which ultimately (I suppose) makes for a richer, and more meaningful experience.

Yes, We Can.

Get out and vote!

I don't care who you vote for (well...you know who I lean towards...), just get out and do it!

But just in case you're undecided, here's a video for some inspiration.

Happy Voting!

Buy a hat. Spread some love.

These people make my idealistic little heart feel warm and fuzzy. They've managed to creatively address a major global issue (poverty) and are doing their part towards making a difference. AND their solution involves crafting. AND Africa. And apparently lots of love. Rock on, Krochet Kids.

White Privilege

A friend passed this essay on to me. Sadly, I think there's a lot of truth in it. Read on to see if you agree, and let me know what you think!


White Privilege and the 2008 Election
By Tim Wise

For those who still can't grasp the concept of white privilege, or who are constantly looking for some easy-to-understand examples of it, perhaps this list will help.

White privilege is when you can get pregnant at seventeen like Bristol Palin and everyone is quick to insist that your life and that of your family is a personal matter, and that no one has a right to judge you or your parents, because "every family has challenges," even as black and Latino families with similar "challenges" are regularly typified as irresponsible, pathological and arbiters of social decay.

White privilege is when you can call yourself a "fuckin' redneck," as Bristol Palin's boyfriend does, and talk about how if anyone messes with you, you'll "kick their fuckin' ass," and talk about how you like to "shoot shit" for fun, and still be viewed as a responsible, all-American boy (and a great son-in-law to be) rather than a thug.

White privilege is when you can attend four different colleges in six years as Sarah Palin did (one of which you basically failed out of, then returned to after making up some coursework at a community college), and no one questions your intelligence or commitment to achievement, whereas a person of color who did this would be viewed as unfit for college, and probably someone who only got in in the first place because of affirmative action.

White privilege is when you can claim that being mayor of a town smaller than most medium-sized colleges, and then Governor of a state with about the same number of people as the lower fifth of the island of Manhattan, makes you ready to potentially be president, and people don't all piss on themselves with laughter, while being a black U.S. Senator, two-term state Senator, and constitutional law scholar, means you're "untested."

White privilege is being able to say that you support the words "under God" in the pledge of allegiance because "if it was good enough for the founding fathers, it's good enough for me," and not be immediately disqualified from holding office--since, after all, the pledge was written in the late 1800s and the "under God" part wasn't added until the 1950s--while believing that reading accused criminals and terrorists their rights (because, ya know, the Constitution, which you used to teach at a prestigious law school requires it), is a dangerous and silly idea only supported by mushy liberals.

White privilege is being able to be a gun enthusiast and not make people immediately scared of you. White privilege is being able to have a husband who was a member of an extremist political party that wants your state to secede from the Union, and whose motto was "Alaska first," and no one questions your patriotism or that of your family, while if you're black and your spouse merely fails to come to a 9/11 memorial so she can be home with her kids on the first day of school, people immediately think she's being disrespectful.

White privilege is being able to make fun of community organizers and the work they do--like, among other things, fight for the right of women to vote, or for civil rights, or the 8-hour workday, or an end to child labor--and people think you're being pithy and tough, but if you merely question the experience of a small town mayor and 18-month governor with no foreign policy expertise beyond a class she took in college--you're somehow being mean, or even sexist.

White privilege is being able to convince white women who don't even agree with you on any substantive issue to vote for you and your running mate anyway, because all of a sudden your presence on the ticket has inspired confidence in these same white women, and made them give your party a "second look."

White privilege is being able to fire people who didn't support your political campaigns and not be accused of abusing your power or being a typical politician who engages in favoritism, while being black and merely knowing some folks from the old-line political machines in Chicago means you must be corrupt.

White privilege is being able to attend churches over the years whose pastors say that people who voted for John Kerry or merely criticize George W. Bush are going to hell, and that the U.S. is an explicitly Christian nation and the job of Christians is to bring Christian theological principles into government, and who bring in speakers who say the conflict in the Middle East is God's punishment on Jews for rejecting Jesus, and everyone can still think you're just a good church-going Christian, but if you're black and friends with a black pastor who has noted (as have Colin Powell and the U.S. Department of Defense) that terrorist attacks are often the result of U.S. foreign policy and who talks about the history of racism and its effect on black people, you're an extremist who probably hates America.

White privilege is not knowing what the Bush Doctrine is when asked by a reporter, and then people get angry at the reporter for asking you such a "trick question," while being black and merely refusing to give one-word answers to the queries of Bill O'Reilly means you're dodging the question, or trying to seem overly intellectual and nuanced.

White privilege is being able to claim your experience as a POW has anything at all to do with your fitness for president, while being black and experiencing racism is, as Sarah Palin has referred to it, a "light" burden.

And finally, white privilege is the only thing that could possibly allow someone to become president when he has voted with George W. Bush 90 percent of the time, even as unemployment is skyrocketing, people are losing their homes, inflation is rising, and the U.S. is increasingly isolated from world opinion, just because white voters aren't sure about that whole "change" thing. Ya know, it's just too vague and ill-defined, unlike, say, four more years of the same, which is very concrete and certain.

White privilege is, in short, the problem.



Tim Wise is the author of White Like Me (Soft Skull, 2005, revised 2008), and of Speaking Treason Fluently, publishing this month, also by Soft Skull.